Jamaica bobsleigh pilot Winston Watts is convinced his nation will qualify for Sochi 2014. “And we’ll make some spending cash too!”

Jamaica last qualified for the Winter Olympics at Salt Lake City in 2002 – missing both the 2006 Turin and 2010 Vancouver Games due to a lack of finances.

“That will not happen again” said Watts. “We are going to raise additional funds from the covert sale of ganga at the games. Up to now, the young Russians have not had access to the superior product we offer.

We’ll simply build an extra sled from highly compacted local ganga and hope the Olympic committee doesn’t read this.

Besides, pot is not a ‘performance enhancing’ drug per se, so you think you’re doing better but you really don’t care.”

Watts continued, “Since Vladimir Putin is concentrating on the ‘gay’ issue, we’ll just slip in under the radar and make all the athletes happy.

Sochi, doesn’t have a lot going for it anyway, and when the Olympics leaves town they’ll need a little something to while away those snowbound hours.”