The west was stunned when Islamic State fighters relinquished control of the oil fields they seized in eastern Iraq. “There are some ‘dings’ in the equipment,” said acting General Omar Kahlid at a hastily called news conference, “We never operated anything larger than a falafel stand.”

Habib ‘Jimmy’ Ramalamadingdong, a regional VP for economic development and local fear mongering said, “When the price went below $80 a barrel our business model tanked. We’re not making as much money as we like with our ‘under the radar’ shipments.

And besides, there are only so many banks we can loot.

We basically eliminated ourselves from the local fuel market when we crushed all the cars under our tanks and we’ve got to ‘branch out’. We’re going back to hawking Chinese rip offs of CD and DVD movies and music. That’s where the money is. You’d be surprised at the demand for those old ‘road’ movies of Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. ‘The Road to Morocco’ was a big seller for us. Think of us as Amazon.com with guns.

I’ve also started rehearsals for a nightclub act. We’re calling it ‘Habib and the Haboobs’ and if we can lift some restrictions on western music, we’ll re-work all the old hits like ‘Will You Still Flog me tomorrow?’ by the Shah-Rells and a rip off of an old Neil Sedaka song ‘I’m Livin’ Right Next Door to an Iraqi’ by Jay and the Jihads. Here’s a sample.

I’m livin’ right next door to some Iraqis and I just found out today
I’m livin’ right next door to some Iraqis and they only live a house away

I took a look and oh what a shock to find a Sunni and a Shiite livin’ on the same block

I’m livin’ right next door to some Iraqis and I’m gonna make those Muslims mine!

Watch for our next video on ‘Coup Tube’

There’s no help from OPEC, they’re going through changes too. The sheiks have been cutting back. “You can’t maintain a decent harem, said Sheik Jabuti, “The wives are making outrageous demands like meals and clothing.”

The Islamic State vowed “To be just over that hill when the price of oil comes back up.”