Welcome to South Florida!
It’s November and the early tourists and snow-birds are now officially here. Let us welcome them to South Florida and all we have to offer. The definition of a tourist is someone who wants to get away from their day to day schedule to be in a different more expensive day to day schedule.
Here are some tourist guidelines to help make your stay a memorable one.
To enjoy us 24/7 drinks lots of, and repeat after me, cafecito and cortadito. The drinks that never let you say, “I’m tired, just drop me off at the hotel” If you’re used to paying $4.95 for a Starbucks Latte grande gigunda, just see how little a tiny cup of Café Cubano will set you back; less than the cost of a one dollar scratch-off. Don’t even think about Sweet and Low, Equal or Splenda because you’ll get the big rush when you see the amount of sugar going into the mix.
If you want to enjoy the taste for a few hours then don’t chase it with the optional water. In fact the best mid-afternoon pick me up in town is a brown bag of 10 for a dollar churros and a cafecito. Remember to support our local street vendors.
Take out your checklist and see if you have you have your SPF 84. Don’t worry; the white goop will not identify you as a tourist; your black socks and shorts will. Did you bring flip flops? What about children, did you remember to bring the children?
Get ready for 13 days and 14 nights of adventure, thrills and the traffic you brought with you. Don’t get us wrong we’re basically happy natives. Happy you’re here and we’ll be happy to see you go.
Now, for the more interesting sights, go on a trip to the everglades for an airboat ride; but don’t get your hair done first. Get a map of where the stars used to live before they cashed out and moved to Asheville to get away from the astronomical windstorm insurance rates, and even though they traveled by limo; the traffic.
Swim with the Dolphins and don’t be surprised when they tell you it’s the original Dolphin from the series ‘Flipper’. Don’t believe them; Flipper moved to Ashville with the rest in the 90’s.
Enjoy the local dishes. Anything with eyes is good to eat if it has been boiled in oil for at least ten minutes.
Pay more for one drink than you pay for a whole bottle up North in any number of places you will barely be able to get into on South Beach because of the way you dress and chalk it up to being on vacation. Don’t worry if it rains and the power goes out. Remember, you’re in the tropics and these things happen. Pretend you’re on a small island in the Caribbean, and soon you’ll get back to the civilization you know and trust.
