The Ultra Music Festival is gone but the echoes of the thump-thump music shall endure. The cacophony has stressed out more than just the entire population of Key Biscayne. The University of Miami’s research fish facility took a hit as well. Turns out, the fish in the vicinity of the music, a swath of sound 30 miles in diameter from the stage, didn’t care for it either. The toadfish, a species that is common to Biscayne Bay, exhibited acute stress levels during Ultra’s first day on Virginia Key. These fish have a physiology that lends itself to the study of stress response. The fish used to take part in various drug studies but found that afterward they couldn’t tell up from down in the water.

One of the aggrieved toadfishes who couldn’t take the sound, had to find a lawyer. “It was difficult to find a lawyer that could understand the problem” said the fish. “We finally found one who had represented whales with a class action lawsuit against the descendants of Ahab the whaler.” The lawyer, in a letter to whoever would read it, said “The booming repetitive electronic dance music caused considerable stress for my client. Fish are people too!”

“I’d rather be chased by a predator” said a local turtle who declined to be named, “How do these people stand that noise? If I had ears, it would have been far worse. I ducked into my shell but it was like hiding from an atomic blast. I finally had to catch a passing octopus and shove two tentacles in my ears to get any sleep.”

The report shows the fish were less stressed in a crowded tank than if they heard a Yoko Ono tribute to the screech owl. A study on long term exposure to humans was not in the offing as no one wanted to be around the music long enough to reach any conclusions.