With the promise of not invading any country larger than Estonia, Putin hopes to eliminate United States sanctions which have “forced his citizens to add more water to their beet soup.

It’s not fair” said Putin. “How can we continue to invade countries on our borders while under sanctions from the U.S.? We’re sure Trump will ease the tension and bring us closer together. By ‘closer together’ I mean we’ll continue to suppress, invade and continue cyber-attacks, but only during the week.”

Sarah Palin, who is not aware her 15 minutes of fame is up, is being considered for the Cabinet position of Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs. “I don’t want to be a secretary” she said. “I’ve been a Governor for a while and had a reality TV show so for me that would be a step backwards. I was hoping for something like ‘Chief of Good Tidings’. That works for me; especially around Christmas time.”

Ann Coulter has been appointed by the Donald Trump transition team as ‘Ambassador’ to the Democratic Party. “This will show them” said Reince Priebus, “Just let them try to tell us how to govern. We’ll have the economy back in the crapper in no time” he said, “And we’ll put Michelle Bachmann’s husband in charge of our gay outreach.”

Breitbart News has announced the president elect’s plan regarding his wall. “Look, we don’t need to spend a ton of money on a wall,” Trump said. ‘El Chapo’ has made that moot, whatever that means. We’ll train a regiment of border collies to patrol the area. Have you seen what they can do with a herd of sheep?

The trump transition team announced a cost cutting measure for the wall. As each illegal immigrant leaves, they’ll be required to take a brick with them and leave it on the border.

Trump is serious about the wall. He’s been watching ‘How it’s made’ on the Science Channel.