If it goes bankrupt, the beleaguered city would have to slash pension benefits to city workers and retirees, and have only pennies on the dollar for bond holders.

“That’s like getting a Christmas present and whatever they get for Hanukkah” said the Koch brothers, billionaires Charles and David.

The brothers, panting over the possibility of making another couple of billion on the deal, made a presentation to the Detroit City Council to take over its debt, restructure its payments and vault the city into the top 10,000 places Americans will want to call home.

“Just sign the city over to us and let the magic happen”, said David Koch

A spokesperson for the city said, “They made us a non-union offer we can’t refuse”
“With the experience we have in manipulating media and message we’ll once again make America proud of Detroit” said either Charles or David.

Their presentation kicked off with a cute anime’ power-point on how empty city lots would be mined for their heavy metals and transformed into mini factories to recycle the surrounding buildings and ship the resultant raw material to China. “This will help our balance of trade” said David.

The highlights of the plan:

The retired pensioners will be moved into Canada. “The ‘early bird’ is a national symbol and their dollar will be worth a little more and that’s not Loonie” chuckled Charles.

There was a plan to eliminate the 11th and 12th grades in local high schools to make the graduation rate jump 45%.

We’ll run Egypt’s Mohammed Morsi for office in the primary election August 16th. He’s got name recognition and has experience in running a large out of control government. All he’ll need is a year.

A Koch spokesperson mentioned “If we could get the Tea Party to do nothing but harangue about limiting and reducing the size of government while still collecting full benefits from that government, we could do the same for Detroit.”