Ever since I signed a petition to save a whale in 1979, my information has ‘magically’ appeared on every mailing (And email) list.
My name has been tossed around like a bucket of fish on the back lot at Sea World or a legal substance at 4:20 in Colorado. Selling your name is the world’s second largest industry next to Amazon. Got the picture? More? On an average day my email has produced more demands than a diva with an attitude.
We’ve entered the season of conspicuous consumption. I’m talking about how the big box stores and on-line purveyors reach into your pocket and entice you to go ‘buy buy’. For us ‘purchasers of the American dream’ that means everyone is going after your spending dollar. What’s the most economical way to do just that? SPAM! I’m not saying that bona-fide companies are offenders but if you’ve made a purchase, you’re gonna get an email and upon answering an endless stream of SPAM is headed your way.
From where did the word ‘spam’ come? It came about because of the popular Monty Python ‘spam,spam,spam‘ sketch in their movie ‘Life of Brian’. Spam the food, is so popular throughout Hawaii that it’s been nicknamed the “Hawaiian steak” but there’s another type of spam that we don’t like. It’s the kind that ‘invades’ our email system and like the canned variety, could even cause abdominal distress.
My spam filter has been working its magic (On overtime) to weed out the best Russian beauties, a new home warranty and It informs me I’m eligible for a ‘pay day’ advance even though I no longer have ‘paydays’.
If I’m short on cash and need an ‘unsecured’ loan real fast, where is their security in that they don’t know me. I could be a ‘bot’ or someone outside their comfort zone. Is it merely my signature they want as collateral? If I make up a name will that work? Will ‘Vinny’ (make up any thug’s name here) ‘visit’ me if I leave an address on whatever they call an application? Will the ‘vig’ or ‘juice’ be more than the actual loan? How many teeth will I lose for non-payment?
A toenail fungus doctor’s cure? The email states ‘Stop offending others with your unsightly toenail fungus’. They assume we like to show off our fungus when we take our shoes off at our yoga practice, a Japanese steakhouse or if you’re a horrible gardener, just to prove you can ‘grow’ something. No. If I actually have a toenail fungus why would I want anyone else to see it? (Or know it!)
Junk mail. If there’s a law of diminishing returns this isn’t it. The ‘big bang’ started with one unsolicited mailing. Before you know it, you’re on the letter carriers hit list. When Benjamin Franklin created the U.S. Post Office, he should have made it a rule that you can’t send material to someone who didn’t request it and if there are more than 3 colonists in line, open a new window.