Pentagon officials want their stigmatized ‘1033 Program’ which distributes excess military equipment to police departments across the country, to be seen in a better light.

It will instruct local police in utilizing the war machines to aid pedestrians navigating dangerous intersections across the country.

A pilot program, initiated by St Paul, MN, Berkeley, Fort Lauderdale and Seattle, wanted pedestrians to ‘wave flags’ at drivers to be more visible. It has been a dismal failure and resulted in the theft of the orange flags valued in the tens of dollars. “Drivers thought it was a game and some believed the flag wavers looked like the starter at a race track. That’s when we knew we were in trouble and asked the Army to help” said the Fort Lauderdale Police Chief.

In a statement, Army press secretary Major General Hugh Jeego, said, “Trying to negotiate one’s way through an intersection can be a life or death situation and we want to help.

There’s a big problem with distracted, aggressive drivers out there and a couple tons of solid steel in their way will make them ‘Think Twice’. In fact, that’s the name of the program. We want a driver to ‘Think Twice’ about running a red light with one of these babies in their way.”

The 17 ton vehicle has a payload capacity of over 2 tons which can translate into 18 to 20 large pedestrians or a whole class of small children plus teacher.

To see whether an intersection qualifies for the ‘extra protection’ of an MRAP, a bomb disposal robot will be sent back and forth a number of times to gauge driver reaction. If the unit is run over, the armored vehicle is brought in.

Pentagon spokesperson Navy Rear Adm. John Kirby said “We’ll protect civilians and use the equipment too. Let’s see them disband the program now.”

He said the program has assisted police across the United States in counter-narcotics, counter-terrorism and J-Walking.