Dear corporate entity person,

I am taking time out of my busy day of providing for my family to ‘opt out’ of your kind offer to sign me up by a specific date if I don’t, and probably increase my insurance a gazillion percent with less coverage and spotty service at best. Let’s start from the top.
Citizen’s Insurance, the insurance of last resort in the State of Florida has been told to ‘depopulate’. The Florida Legislature (Slogan: Leave no Millionaire Behind) has ‘authorized’ Citizens to rid themselves of policies and therefore exposure. Despite a $6.2 billion cash surplus Citizens says its finances are still precarious. (Got stung by Rita, Katrina and Wilma)
Maybe the cash surplus numbers went to their (Corporate) head because the expense accounts (Google: Citizen’s insurance executives spend while customers suffer) got so big the company had to say something after board members pushed a controversial plan that would force hundreds of thousands of Florida homeowners to pay more for less coverage. (Welcome to Florida)
They chose the lesser of two evils which would be to rid themselves of ‘exposure’.

When I finally reached your ‘customer service’ department (I loved the soothing music on hold. I was able to memorize every note and it has become my most irritating ‘ear worm’) ‘Donna’ (Not her real name) told me that my insurance agent said it was OK to send me ‘opt out’ information. (Word up, she didn’t)
I’m thankful the US Postal Service is up to the task because if I had not received your snail mail information (I know why you don’t simply email; you would have been immediately deleted as spam and missed a good ‘business opportunity’) I could not have ‘opted’ and been moved to (Name of insurance company I shouldn’t name) against my will. I looked up your net admitted assets from the financial stability rating. You’ve only got $25 million. That wouldn’t get your executives decent meals at an average Tallahassee watering hole, and you probably wouldn’t be solvent after a basic rain shower. (We’ll need a lawyer when the rain stops)

Yours till Niagara Falls,
Buzz Fleischman