News flash: The ‘migrant caravan’ is headed toward Guadalajara and a shot at a Guinness World Record in the category of ‘world’s longest conga line moving in one direction and not connecting with the end of their line’. A spokesperson for the caravan said “We needed to ‘rebrand’ ourselves to get better press. The ‘invasion’ scenario certainly helped fringe politics in the United States but all we wanted to do was get to Laredo for the yearly McRib launch.”

A spokesperson for the group said “We wanted to end up in McAllen or Laredo, Texas but then we received some flyers from Disney World in California offering a ‘dos para uno’ day at the theme park. We shifted and made a left at Santiago De Queretaro. It’s like a chess match. We make a turn and they start thinking about moving five thousand soldiers to meet us. Thanks, but no thanks.

The only ‘gang’ members we have are a group of dominos players who have been playing the game together for more than 50 years. They call themselves ‘Los Huevos Rancheros’ after their favorite breakfast. They’re quite harmless: we confiscated their hearing aids so they can’t hear each other to ‘mount an offensive’ at whichever border we reach.

Many of the marchers have become frustrated with the pace of travel and have called Uber and Lyft as a means of cheap transportation. They then found themselves in Panama. Could be a solution to trump’s problem.