Have you received this in the mail? What does (name any large corporation) do with your personal information?

Dear customer,

Companies such as ours choose how they share your personal information. Federal law gives consumers the right to limit some, but not all sharing. We’ve made sure of that with some tasteful lunches and dinners at posh Washington eateries you could never afford. They also require us to tell you how we collect, share, yes, and sometimes laugh at your personal information in the privacy of our cubbyholes. Please read this notice carefully to understand what we do.

First, understand that we employ lawyers to write these practices and they make a good living covering our butts from people who want to cause trouble or protect their interests.

Here is the reason we can share your personal information. Because we can!

We can share for everyday business purposes, marketing purposes, joint marketing and our affiliate’s everyday business purposes. Can you do anything about it? NO!

The reason you can’t catch us doing this is because we utilize the smallest type and largest amount of words hidden in a mail-out to disguise what we are doing in this disclosure. It’s the envelope marked VERY IMPORTANT READ IMMEDIATELY. You’re not even reading this now because you have a life and we know that. We know that because WE HAVE ALL YOUR DAMN INFORMATION!!!! Ha Ha Ha!!! LOL

Can we sell your financial information, social security number, bank statement, or other credit information? You bet your butt! You may be able to ‘opt out’ of this, but We’ll come clean here and figure that only the tiniest percentage of people realize this has happened and even then not many will call us on it. We’ll simply fess up to them and send a pre-paid gift card to get them off our back. These cards can only be used at retailers who have a ‘business affiliation’ with us. We’ll add the amount to your next 6 billing statements and disguise it as a ‘federal transaction adjustment fee’ so even then, we’re making money on you. LOL! (Even your lawyer can’t figure this one out)

Bottom line: If you’re persistent in wanting to hold our feet to the fire for any perceived wrong-doing call the 800 number at the bottom of this page and we’ll subject you to the most rigorous phone messaging system you’re ever encountered. If, after a couple of hours you’ve given up, know that you’re in good company.