About 50 giant snails have been found in the City of Davie in Broward County, Florida. They hopped on the back of a pick-up truck in Miami and headed north in the High Occupancy Vehicle lane on I-95 crossing the county line.

In Davie, the snails were raising money at a snail rodeo, climbing onto the backs of giant cane toads and taking bets from onlookers on how many hops it would take to throw them off. They made enough to send for the rest of their families still in Miami-Dade.

Where did these huge snails originate?

The giant African snails growing up to 8 inches long and 4 inches wide, invaded a South Florida neighborhood and slimed their way north on Dixie Highway heading for the Fontainebleau Hotel. They were probably hoping to get into ‘Liv’ for ‘two for one giant snail night’.

The snails turned around when they found out that they’re on the menu and not on the dance floor.

OK, they’re not heading north for the Fontainebleau. They have as little a chance of surviving in Dixie Highway traffic as a vote for a Presidential initiative in Congress.

They eat 500 varieties of plants, (The snails, not the Congress) lay about 1200 eggs a year and contain both male and female reproductive organs. Based on that last fact alone, Pat Robertson will blame them for the next natural disaster.

Miami-Dade County sent some technicians to round them up. About 1,000 were found within a one-square-mile radius of the south Florida neighborhood with a number of the snails heading for window sills, disguising themselves as decorative sea shells.

The snails that were caught were sent to freezers to be frozen to death. They could have eliminated the middle man and just sold them to French restaurants.

Let’s think about the fact that even in the most ‘chic’ French restaurant, an escargot appetizer will never have the same cachet.

As a community who has survived the onslaught of giant pythons, snake head fish (a voracious top-level predator with no natural enemies, almost like a Congressperson except for the enemies) and various politicos who have sold us down the river for a plate of that very same escargot at lunch with their lobbyist of the day, we’re a hardy breed who will survive.

A Federal investigation was initiated against a resident accused of smuggling those snails into the country in 2010. It may have been tied to an African religious healing ceremony whose followers were told to drink the snail juice. (True)

News flash: none of them were healed, but they can now crawl out of bed and up the wall a lot easier.