Florida’s water quality standards have not been upgraded in 24 years. Lately, there has been a lot of negative press about bacteria laden toxic algae blooms. These toxic blooms are making Floridians sick, closing beaches and damaging the economy. In spite of those conditions, regulators would like to allow more toxic chemicals to flow into the ground water.

The Governor’s office issued a terse statement, “If anyone sees any three eyed fish, let us know. LOL” He may have issued an order to all State employees about not mentioning the words ‘toxic algae blooms.’

“We ate dirt as children and it didn’t hurt us” said regulator Billy Hurtagh. “I haven’t seen evidence of anything we’re doing that would harm our beloved citizens.” Hurtagh, blind since childhood, spoke from the steps of the capitol in Tallahassee.

When reached at the office of environmental protection a spokesperson said, “Look, you have a better chance of getting run down, shot or a bad sunburn on line at Disney as opposed to dying from the drinking water. I like those odds.”

90% of residents rely on the ground water resources for their drinking water.

State regulators want to increase the number of regulated chemicals in the allowed limits from 54 to 92. “It’s just a number” said an un-named source at Governor Scott’s Department of Environmental Protection, “And ‘toxic’ is just a word.”