PepsiCo will release a ‘fat fighting’ cola in Japan, a nation not known for fat unless you count Sumo wrestlers. Unlike the regular ‘off’ taste of diet colas, ‘Pepsi Special’ as it’s called, will have a “crisp, refreshing, and unique” aftertaste. They promise that when you burp, the odor will resemble ‘rosebuds’ and if you harness the gas it can power a Prius for 27 miles.
It contains a ‘proven’ fat-fighting ingredient called dextrin. Sold as a supplement in the US, called Benefiber, it works by absorbing water as it moves through the intestines.
The marketing strategy that Pepsi hopes to harness is that when the water is absorbed you’ll want more Pepsi to quench your thirst. By the second week you should be making 7 to 10 trips a day to the store to replenish your supply. When you realize what is happening, you’re hooked and will have to see a doctor who will then advise you to either give in to the cravings and sell your possessions or switch to ‘Pepsi Really Special’ which will deliver a higher dose. It’s an endless cycle.
Sold as a fat-blocking health drink, the fat that is blocked, will hopefully then move to the thinnest part of the body. If not we’ll develop a generation of children with ‘Popeye’ arms.
This soda is the next in a line of odd flavors released in Japan like yogurt and cucumber varieties. The most brilliant strategy of all would be to release cucumber Pepsi in the U.S.A. It could serve to turn kids off to the sugar and caffeine filled drinks for good which would quiet those pesky adolescent obesity critics. Future studies will show that Earth’s population has actually been shrinking due to extra gravitational forces and we’re simply becoming too short for our height which makes us only seem fatter.