In a cost cutting move, Disney is subcontracting its characters. The Disney theme parks costumed characters are slowly being replaced by illegal aliens. “Too bad we can’t speak out in public. We’d have a lot to say” said Jimmy Furbisiner, a former Chip of Chip and Dale. “No one knows how hard this work is.”

Many of their jobs were transferred to immigrants on H1-B visas brought in by an outsourcing firm based in India. As part of the program, Minnie and Mickey Mouse were told to ‘prep’ their replacements, a short couple from Sri Lanka, and teach them the difficult job of meeting the public with a limited vocabulary and maximum amount of hand and body gestures. “Our source is a combination of sign language and our knowledge of how some Italian Americans speak solely with their hands.” said Mickey. “It works until someone gets offended by a stray finger.”

“The public will not know the difference unless someone slips up and says something in Hindi from under the mask” stated a press representative. “But don’t worry, they’ve got papers.” Then in a funny character voice he said “We printed them ourselves in the Disney print shop on Main Street and are selling them as souvenirs. Who doesn’t want an authentic replica of Peter Pan’s green card?”

Goofy appeared safe for the moment as no one wanted to portray a dog-like character with little intelligence except for some out of work politicians.

Coming on the heels of the first Republican ‘debate’, a new character, ‘Shrump’ will be unveiled by Disney this summer. A ‘Donald Trumpish’ character based on the actual person, ‘Shrump’ is a loud braggart who picks on anyone within earshot. He lives in a land not unlike America, where only his opinion matters. The fun begins during meet and greets at Disney World® where he will actually ‘fire’ people who try to take pictures with him. A Disney spokesperson said, “We’ll ‘balance’ the character with one based on the Rand Paul character who will follow ‘Shrump’ around the park and playfully ‘denounce’ everything he says. ‘Bland Paul’ will be perfect counter-point.”

In other news, Disney bans smoking in theme parks.

Following the ban of the words ‘climate change’ and ‘global warming’ by the State of Florida, Disneyworld in Orlando has banned smoking. Not the mention of the word ‘smoking’ but smoking itself.

“Even if they enter the park with smoke on their breath, we’ll toss them” said park supervisor Don McCall, “Walt would have wanted it that way. Now I don’t care if they chew tobacco, we can deal with ‘second hand spit’ but smoking is out.”