The scariest threat to our way of life in South Florida is:

A, Drivers on cellphones

B, Rampant corruption and fraud

C, Termites

Answer: all three!

But termites???

Hybrid termites are a threat to our way of life and you didn’t leave the State when you discovered our flying roaches?

Despite a Florida ban in inter-specie cohabitation (or even talking about it), researchers from the Entomology Department of the University of Florida have stated that two of the most damaging termite species are interbreeding in South Florida, producing hybrid termite colonies.

“Asian subterranean termites and the Formosan subterranean termites have been ‘getting together’ and living underground without the benefit of marriage” says State Representative ‘William ‘Bobby’ Lundergan. “This type of behavior cannot be tolerated.”

A representative from Orkin said “They’re strong and cunning. Even when we utilize our state of the art equipment, some have been known to sneak behind our pest control specialists and steal their truck.”

These hybrids develop at twice the normal rate of other termites and should be a foot long and weigh a couple of pounds by the end of summer. At that point, a typical swarm will look like I-95 traffic at 5PM. If you spot some young pubescent male termites even looking in the direction of a female, don’t interfere. Call the National Guard to set up a perimeter.

The researchers discovered that Asian male termites have a preference for Formosan females, and that their colonies comprises of around 160 individuals within a year as against 60 in a single-species colony. This is akin to your daughter going out with a biker on parole. Nothing good will come of it.

Because a termite colony can live up to 20 years with millions of individuals, the potential of a hybrid colony is as seriously damaging as a Ted Cruz candidacy.

“That’s why we’re going to Mars” said a spokesman for NASA, “This planet isn’t big enough for hybrid animals who will take advantage of the weak, the old and ones who can’t properly defend against this onslaught.

And the termites suck too!”