Where do I send a card?

Charles Manson, probably the most infamous murderous psychopath in the penal system has big news. But wait, we’ll let ‘Star’ his betrothed tell you all about it.

“Well, I fell for Charley when I noticed (How could you not?) the nazi symbol he etched in his forehead. That’s more than a tattoo I said. They don’t let him around the other shut ins so I’m thinking he just looked in his silvery thing that passes for a mirror, drank some of his own fermented urine and started cutting. Or maybe he was man enough to do it straight. I don’t care.

I don’t have any friends, so I said to myself self, there’s a man I could love. We started writing to each other and I could tell by his crayon markings, he was reaching out. I think it was a red crayon. It was either that or just blood. But isn’t that romantic? Not every fella wants to do something like that. When he proposed he made some sort of gang sign with his hands. That was so romantic even if I didn’t know what it meant.

Afterwards he turned to the guards and proudly mentioned the ‘buzz’ this would generate in the prison yard.

The wedding plans were mostly done by the prison. They frown on stuff like inviting people and having a wedding cake. Did they think I was gonna bake a knife in it? That would have been fun though if he cut a piece, took out the knife and then went on a 45 year pent up rampage and tried to kill everyone in sight. That would have made the news and Access Hollywood in the same night. And the folks back home would have something to talk about.

I asked him where we should register and he wrote back ‘Buck Knife City’ just west of LA. His ‘B’ looked like an ‘F’ but I wasn’t fooled. He wanted to send a message. Instead of a flower girl, ‘Big Chuck’ will strew some of the smaller inmates down the aisle.

I can’t wait for the wedding night. You know he’s been in for 45 years, and I heard even the prettiest cons don’t look that good even in a dark cell.

If it weren’t for the life sentence, with a chance of parole about being as big as the pimple on an ant’s weenie, we could have done great things.

I don’t think he committed the murders he’s in prison for. Oh, and the Sun revolves around the Earth.