Big Ben’s ‘bong’ besmirched by brittle bowels

The ‘bong’ of Big Ben, the familiar sound Londoners hear on the hour, will not break the staid British air during urgent repairs to the timeless timepiece.

Two of Britain’s largest newspapers reported that Parliament’s massive clock and the tower that supports it need as much as 40 million pounds of repairs ($70 billion in U.S. dollars or 685 Trillion Argentine Pesos)

The Queen, in a Tweet to her many followers mused, “I guess Big Ben got a close look at my son’s paramour, Camilla!”

To lessen the effect of not hearing the familiar hourly ‘bong’, Britain will retain hundreds of pensioners who will stand in the streets around Parliament and shout the word ‘Bong’ on the hour every hour until work is complete. They will also point you to pubs that are open past midnight and upon request, the names of the Queen’s Corgis.

Lord Burlington, keeper of the time for the Royal family opined “We hope this will placate the tourists and, of course, locals who would go absolutely bonkers if they don’t hear a ‘bong’ every bleeding hour.”

An unnamed Westminster source, says “I don’t understand all the hub-bub. The clock is as weathered as Keith Richards and he’s still working.”

Eton Freshmen scale Big Ben at high noon in  prestigious fraternity prank
Eton Freshmen scale Big Ben at high noon in prestigious fraternity prank