Dear Canada,
Let me say up front that we (The American people) think you’re fabulous! You’ve been like family to us for a long time and a great neighbor as well. Most of us know you didn’t burn the white house during the war of 1812. We don’t think we have to go to war with you although our military-industrial complex can make more money off of even a ‘police action’ with you than any trade discrepancy we may or may not have. BTW, please don’t stop exporting Labatt Blue Pilsner-style Lager no matter what our president calls your President, (We can’t control him).
Our border with you is one we don’t have to patrol with our ‘A’ troops. So far, we’ve been able to get by with a couple of National Guard units based out of mid-Iowa and comprised of farmers who know you’re not going to invade. We have been observing however, an army of Canadians coming in and shopping at the Mall of the Americas every weekend. We’re sure you go back to your native land and revel in the fact that the bargains are a reflection of the trade parity we enjoy and not some ‘Memorial Day/July 4th Weekend Sale.’
By now you know how our president acts. He opens his cavernous mouth and pontificates as if you were North Korea. You’re not! You’re like Lichtenstein to us, a country we don’t know much about and are lucky to spell correctly.
Trump’s chief economic adviser, Lawrence Kudlow said when Trump lashed out at Trudeau and called him “Very dishonest & weak” not because of anything the prime minister said or did, but because he didn’t want to look weak on the eve of his meeting with Kim Jong Un in Singapore. Didn’t you see him winking at Justin right before he said it?
Our President called North Korean leader Kim Jong-un “very honorable” also noting that they “probably” have a “very good relationship” and that he didn’t have to ‘study’ for the summit and would be able to ‘read’ Kim in the first moment. That’s what we have to deal with, so forgive us Canada for any sleight.
You’re pretty lucky though. He could have had those Iowan national guards march right across the border and appropriate some ‘dairy’ so we wouldn’t have to pay that 300% tariff. Have a good day!