After opening a Disney retail outlet in Moscow and with the new bromance between Trump and Putin, Russia will open a theme park with all the beloved Disney characters and attractions.

In his call to the Russian dictator Vlad Putin, Donald Trump inquired about ‘getting in on the ground floor’. “It will be to your liking” Vladimir said, “Open, yet subversive. All-inclusive yet discriminatory and all the vodka you can drink with a 3 day pass.”

One of the more popular rides for tourists will be the open air ride ‘Forever Frozen’. You’re crammed into a small cart with 20 others giving you a realistic experience of the average Russian life in an unheated apartment.

The Country Bear Vodka Jamboree (No ticket for this ride) You sit around and drink vodka all day with the bears

Mad Russian Hatter’s Party An animatronic Putin look-A-like will tell you what to do where to go and who to associate with while in the park. You’ll pay dearly for the ‘privilege’

Splash Mountain (Over 21) Since the log flume rides on a river of vodka, you’ll be a little tipsy when you exit the ride. Your head is then covered and you’re thrown into a car which speeds away from the park. They don’t bring you back for 3 years or until the ransom is paid.

The Last Adventure of Winny the Pooh. You’ll laugh along with Winnie the Pooh until he meets an inglorious end at a butcher shop in a Moscow suburb and appears next as the main course for some middle level apparatchiks on holiday.

Peter Pan’s Flight to Freedom. This ride will never be open.