Donald trump delivered arguably his most dis-ingenuous speech after coming in second in the Iowa caucuses. He said, “Iowa, we love you. We thank you. You’re special. We will be back many, many times. In fact, I think I might come here and buy a farm. I love it.” Trump closed by suggesting maybe he’ll buy a farm in Iowa.

Shades of ‘Green Acres’! The odds of Trump ‘buying a farm in Iowa’ is like Carly Fiorina sticking to the facts.

People were stunned. “I’ll move to Mexico” said local Jimmy ‘Jim’ Walthrop, “I can get work building a border fence, and Mexico will pay for it.”

“As long as there’s a four star French restaurant within walking distance of the farm we’re as good as there” Trump said, and reflected on the fact that he’ll have to import his New York staff. “I’m sure I can pay them less because, hey, it’s Iowa for crying out loud. Where’s the overhead?

Look, I’ve insulted almost everyone here. It’s time to pack up and find others worthy of my venom. If they want substance let them go see Sanders.”

Later in the evening on the plane home a disgruntled trump said, “If I come in second in New Hampshire I’ll just make a deal to bail out Puerto Rico and become their king.”

He has been told by more recording artists including his favorite, Adele, to not use their songs for his political purposes. “They’re all losers! I’ll start by humming into the mic” he said, “and let the audience pick it up.”