In a triumphal return to his Presidential run, Donald trump was released from jury duty in NYC.
Trump did not ask for a postponement, because serving jury duty is “the right thing to do.” But asked whether he hoped to get cut loose after only one day, he said: “I hope so I’ve got bigger fish to fry and you know what I mean. If you don’t you’re a loser.
He filled out a copy of the jury duty questionnaire which we have dutifully reproduced here:
1, Do you have any medical condition that would make it difficult for you to serve as a juror? Yes ____ No __*__
Please explain: _There was a thing with my foot, I forget which one that got me out of the draft back in the 70’s I don’t know if that counts. Look, I’m a billionaire. That’s ‘B’ as in ‘Billionaire’ I could have bought any doctor or specialist to testify to any condition to get me off jury duty but did I? No, because the American people want to see me walk among them, talk among them, give autographs among them. You’re a loser.
2, Do you have any difficulty in understanding, speaking, or reading English?
Yes ____ No __*__
Please explain: But I do have a problem with Mexicans who don’t even speak the language even though they’ve been here leeching off of the system for how many ever years. Look, the American people demand English even from their lawn guy, 7-11 guy, news-paper guy. You’re a loser for even asking.
3, Date of Birth: __It doesn’t matter, I was born here, not like Obama. He’s a loser.
- What is your current marital status? (Check all that apply.)
_____ Single
___*__ Married ____ years
_____ Living with someone
_____ Separated
_____ Divorced
_____ Divorced and remarried
_____ Widowed
_____ Never Married
Look, I’ve got a trophy wife. That’s all you have to know. What does your wife look like? Not like mine, I’m sure. Don’t ask any more questions or you’re a loser!
5, Who are the members of your household and for those who are employed, what
kind of work do they do? (For example, simply list “medical receptionist,” “bus
driver,” “lawyer,” or “short order cook.”)
Please explain: Look, I’m Donald trump. You know me, you know my family. My kids work on the TV show, my wife is a trophy wife. She just stands there and looks good. Her job is whatever I tell her to do until I see a different trophy wife that America will take to so that America will say “Wow, look at that Donald Trump, he’s made it, he’s got a trophy wife.” You’re a loser.
6, How long have you lived at your current address? _____________________
Look, I’m Donald trump. If you don’t know I live at Trump Tower you’re a loser! Where else would I live? Jersey?
