The lids lift automatically. The seats heat up. Built-in bidets make cleanup easier than wiping your nose with a handkerchief. Some of them even sync with users’ smartphones via Bluetooth so that you can program your favorite music through speakers built into the bowl.

Who among us hasn’t secretly wished to eliminate today’s breakfast to ‘Ride of the Valkyries’ by Wagner?

Have we watched an episode of ‘The Jetsons?’ No! This technology exists today, so is America ready to surf the net while ‘takin’ care of business?’

Like iPhones, app-packed commodes are objects of desire in Mr. Fujimori’s Japan.

Mr. Fujimori, chief executive of Lixil Corp. makers of kitchens, windows and bathrooms, says most Japanese homes have the ‘space age’ johns.

He’s leading a push to bring them to the great ‘unwashed’ American behinds.

Lixil plans to add integrated bidets to the lineup of American Standard Brands, which Lixil acquired for half a billion. Yes, another ‘American’ brand has been flushed down the international economic john.

“Few people realized they needed smartphones until Apple’s iPhone came along. So it will be in the U.S. with American Standard’s new toilets, Mr. Fujimori said.

“Industry presents iPhone — industry presents shower toilet. We can create the same type of pattern, although we don’t foresee a tech-deficient adult calling their 12 year old to the bathroom to explain the works.”

Will we still desire a ‘full American flush’ of at least three and a half gallons per use? Is a gallon still 4 quarts or 358 liters? Should we open the lid to see what happened?

Our already hectic lives are filled to overflowing with social media poking’ at us ad- nauseum. Do we need it in the quiet reverie of our innermost sanctum too?