As Americans breathlessly await the arrival of the newest member of the British Royal family which is almost as important to us as the Kardashian birth, we can be assured that it will be anything but ordinary.

There are hundreds of years of history and pageantry that accompany a royal birth. The sequences of events that take place around a birth of this magnitude are rich in culture and minutia.

First and foremost the family can only hope that the child takes after Princess Diana’s side of the family.

At the precise moment of birth at Saint Mary’s Hospital, the Royal Doctor nods to the hospital’s chief surgeon who makes a check-mark on the Royal Chart. The Royal Chart is then given to the Royal Family’s senior Registered Nurse who places it into a pouch made of material from King Henry Vlll’s codpiece which has been in cold storage for centuries.

It then goes to a Page who hands it to a ‘runner’ who gives it to a rider who mounts his horse and rides to Buckingham Palace, for an immediate audience with the Queen.
After the pomp and circumstance accompanying the ritual of getting off the horse, the rider is then shot and is placed in cold storage.

The Queen who has in reality been awaiting word, but is making a show of not being interested by running a ceremonial flea comb through her Corgis for the camera, is then notified that the rider has been shot.

She sighs, and walks slowly and ceremoniously to the ‘audience room’ where the pouch has been placed on a 14th Century receiving table. A butler picks up the pouch faces east and pulls the chart.

The Queen glances at the chart, sighs and a proclamation of the birth is then sent out in the Royal Coach to Prince Andrew’s hospital waiting room where he is then told something has happened. He then ceremoniously walks into the birthing suite and informs Kate that the birth has indeed taken place.

We’re not even talking about the night the child was conceived.