The latest in our grocery store aisle series

In the beginning there was the Oreo®, a delightful treat for your cookie jones. And they, (Nabisco) saw that it was good.

The Oreo® name was derived from the Greek word ‘Oreo’ with ‘Ora’ meaning mouth and ‘eu’ meaning either ‘euphoria’ or ‘euthanasia’ based on how many you eat. Many people ask exactly from what is the ‘stuff’ in the middle made? The quick answer is granulated sugar, powdered sugar, lump sugar, extra fine sugar, baker’s sugar, coarse sugar, liquid sugar and an agent to bind all the sugar together.

In the early 1990s, Nabisco replaced the wholesome lard (pork fat) in the filling with partially hydrogenated vegetable oil probably due to some bullshit about lard being ‘bad’ for you. It’s not, and I’m sure a future study by an industry group funded by lard will bear me out.

Wikipedia tells us Oreo cookies are popular with vegans, because the cream inside the cookie is not made from any animal products, although there have been no studies and numerous vegans have been seen to wash down Oreos® with non-vegan-like gulps of whole milk when they thought we weren’t looking in some kind of strange natural balance of nature.

Due to its popularity, and with a huge boost from stoners in the 60’s, Nabisco began extending the line reaching a startling 59 products. They produced ‘golden’ crackers, made it thinner and thicker, made it smaller (minis), covered it with white ‘fudge’ (Not real fudge) and dark ‘fudge’, added chips, added an ice cream line,  took away calories, doubled the filling (double stuff)  tripled the filling and called it ‘Mega’ stuff, and stopped for breath.

Nabisco realized what the draw was. It was the stuff on the inside. They couldn’t extend the line and keep adding more stuff because although consumers tried, it was getting difficult for people with small mouths to bite.

With marijuana becoming legal across the land they knew they had to relate to the real lure and simply produce a product called ‘Stuff®’ which eliminates the cracker and gives people what they crave and what they are addicted to; Stuff®.

‘Stuff®’ will debut in late 2017 with the name ‘Wow, Only Stuff®’. It will not only supplement the obesity epidemic, it will make euthanasia more palatable.