‘Natural Causes’ has been the number 1 killer of the healthy. Why? There are no warning signs like shortened breath, chest pain or lazy eye. There has been no federal grant money for research, no national telethon to raise awareness and no celebrity spokesperson to tout its importance.

“This lack of awareness may be why people treat this disease as if it just doesn’t exist” mentions AMA President Goeff Geddings, “And it’s been around for ages.”

With the lofty goal of eliminating ‘natural causes’ as a basis of too many healthy deaths, the United Nations has announced plans to eradicate the disease world-wide. “More people are dying of natural causes and no one knows why” said UN’s World Health Organization (WHO) President Obeebe Nakwuma, “We need to find a cure!

We’re engaging doctors and researchers from more than 15 countries to see why healthy people are dying for no particular reason. One minute you’re walking down the street with a healthy person and they just drop dead right there without even a ‘Hey why am I dying, I’m healthy.’

The plan titled ‘One minute healthy, next minute pffft!’ (OMHNMP) will produce a ‘health Pyramid’ much like the FDA’s ‘Food Pyramid’ to build awareness. With a fit, tanned tennis player at the top and a disease riddled corpse at the bottom, you’ll be able to see just how lifestyle doesn’t even make a difference with this dreaded killer.

There’s no escape!

In its press release the U.N. said, “Old and young alike are passing away from this dreaded malady, and it’s not even a scientifically recognized cause of death. We’ve got to get to the bottom of this and make sure that when people die, it’s for a good reason!”