The almost biggest news of the year was the meteoric rise of Donald Trump as a Presidential candidate. He promises a ‘most huge’ and ornate wall between the US and Mexico, will import it from China and make El Chapo pay for it.
NBC anchor Brian Williams told a whopper about being ‘under fire’ in a helicopter. He admitted he was under stress because he was asked to leave the Rolling Stones for being too handsome.
Republicans found a place in the Guinness Book of Records by trying to repeal Obamacare in the Congress more times than the number of Benghazi hearings.
Greece, in the worst rioting since Anthony (Zorba) Quinn revealed he was Mexican-American, raised the price of their most popular Greek Yogurt to $375 a pint in an effort to raise 3.2 billion Euros and avoid bankruptcy. After an election in September the winner bartered all their islands to Switzerland, who had been looking to acquire some coastline in return for a lifetime supply of Lindt Chocolates and some goats.
Donald Trump stated that if he had been in charge of the Miss Universe Pageant, Steve Harvey would have named him the winner.
Cecil the dead lion was stuffed and mounted on Dick Cheney’s trophy room wall.
FIFA President Sepp Blatter was banned from the sport for 8 years in an ethics scandal. He said Qatar, naming a new city after him has nothing to do with awarding the 2022 World Cup to that country.
The war on Christmas was finally won by a dark red Starbucks coffee cup. Mike Huckabee predicted earthquakes and pestilence and said donations to his campaign would bring Christmas back.
In a press release Hillary Clinton said that if she loses the nomination to Bernie Sanders she’ll come out with a designer line of secure internet servers.
Miley Cyrus flashed every audience.
It’s hard to decide who the year’s most reviled person was. There were a few choices.
Bill Cosby, who was finally arraigned on charges relating to doping and raping women, offered 2950 of his signature sweaters as collateral for the $1million dollar bond.
A smug Martin Shkreli, CEO of the drug company that raised the price of an HIV drug 5000% was arrested on security fraud charges. His attorney tweeted “What a schmuck”.
The ‘affluenza’ teen who fled to Mexico with his mother while on probation after a ‘going away party’ claimed he was helping the government find ‘El Chapo’.
