Gloria Chubb, a retired nurse from Indiana described her horror at finding a toad inside a can of green beans she had been cooking for dinner.
She found the experience so mortifying, she was nauseated for 2 days, and said “I don’t think I’ll have green beans anytime soon.”
The food manufacturer, Meijer, has since given her a refund. End of story.
BUT….If this scenario took place in Miami: Gloria will have a team of 6 lawyers on board before the beans are cold.
They would call a press conference and describe her nightmare of being chased by giant frogs through a bean field thereby establishing an ipso facto case of suffering an aversion to (Any shade of ) the color green, (Any and all) vegetables, small household appliances including can openers and to (Any and all) amphibians.
She also claimed she could not watch her local Public Broadcasting station for fear of spotting Kermit on an episode of Sesame Street.
She will file an affidavit for past and future pain and suffering. Even seeing ‘frog legs’ on a menu would cause immeasurable pain and suffering.
She’ll further claim she could never eat beans again which could cause a vitamin deficiency and subsequent weight loss causing her to join the only gym which specializes in her condition located on the island of Bali in the South Pacific.
The resultant weight gain would cause her to purchase new sets of clothing every month.
P.E.T.A. immediately alerted their lawyers to defend the dead toad.
Their central claim was the amount of shock the toad incurred as it travelled down the green bean assembly line, got washed off, disinfected and thrown into a boiling hot vat of beans causing the end of its already too short life. They sued the farm, the canning factory, the producer and the shipper. And what the hell, they sued Sesame Street too.
Her 911 call after the fact leaked to the press by P.E.T.A. included the comment, “AAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!”