RNC convention delayed one day by tropical storm Isaac. Events on Monday which would have included the ritual hunting down of gays and lesbians and trying to ‘Pray the gay Away’ has been postponed along with the mass denouncing of anyone not of their opinion.
However the Republicans still don’t get it. God is pissed. When pressed for comment, God replied, “I’m going to have the public pay closer attention to the weather reports than listen to a pack of loonies who have been hurtling to the right so fast that even Pat Robertson said “They’re pushing an extreme position and losing support”. When one platform-committee member tried to down-play the Republicans’ opposition to gay marriage, Kansas Secretary of State Kris Kobach, objected, comparing gay people to drug users and polygamists.
Here are some platform highlights.
Their mind set on hating anyone not like themselves, always saying ‘No’ to a black President no matter how it would help average citizens, giving more tax breaks to the ultra-rich, the ‘no exceptions’ anti-abortion language, forgiveness of a drunken/nude swim by a delegate on a ‘fact finding’ mission to the Holy land, a new border fence, a return to the gold standard, a position denying statehood to the District of Columbia but wanting to introduce more guns onto its streets, etc etc.
In an astonishing pronouncement, Rep. Marsha Blackburn of Tennessee, a platform co-chair said “This is a document that the majority of the American people are going to find that they agree with.” The majority of American people, upon hearing the gist of the platform said, “What was she drinking?” (24% said “What was she smoking?”)
In other news:
An intra-party fight broke out among the delegations when it was discovered that everyone wanted to sit on the ‘far right’ side of the auditorium. A compromise was reached when the signs were changed to reflect that the ‘far right’ side comprised every single seat in the building.