A primary goal for the Republican leadership will be to raise the historically low congressional approval rating at least into the high teens. The current 13% level is above the all-time low of 9% in November 2014. “It’s Obama’s fault” said a distressed Mitch McConnell, “he has given us nothing but decent programs to help the middle class and that’s not what Americans elected us to do I think.”
With Obama’s decision to ease diplomatic relations with Cuba, Republicans will deny funding for a new embassy and refuse to confirm an Ambassador. This will force the administration to declare the Versailles Restaurant in Miami, a temporary consulate and its Maître D, the Charge’ D’ Affaires.
They will try to dismantle Obamacare by not allowing certain procedures and operations to be paid for. A new program called ‘aspirins for the indigent’ will dole out the minor pain reliever to those who can prove they’re having a heart attack or can show a painful. open wound.
Secure the borders. “Building a fence on the Tex-Mex border will not work by itself” said Senator Ted Cruz (R-Tex) “Expanding the project to the Canadian border and our coasts by lowering the Federal poverty level and making those people pay their fair share of taxes, will give us the money we’ll need. Remember, Lobbyists have families to feed too!”
Construction of the long-stalled Keystone oil sands pipeline will now include additional pipes which run through districts having large donors who can siphon off whatever gas they’ll need. It’ll be re-branded as the ‘American Strategic Hedge Against Misrepresentation’ (ASHAM)
They’ll also re-brand a do nothing Congress with the ‘Up your Approval Month (UAM)’ where each Congressperson and Senator will actually have to do something that will ‘up their approval’ in their home district. This is different from the ‘Do Anything Month (DAM) that voters have been beseeching their representatives to do since Obama was elected.
A woman’s right to vote will be put up for consideration after almost 95 years of legality. “Look; a lot of women are Democrats and they vote” said Mitch McConnell, “Pat Buchanan was right, a woman’s place is in the home raising the children, and not in some voting booth.”
