“Haggis, the Scottish staple, will continue to be on the Queen’s menu” a royal spokesperson intoned a day after Scotland voted to stay within the family of nations. “But just barely” the Queen proclaimed.

“And I’ll also continue to have a ‘wee dram’ of my favorite Scotch after dinner and sometimes well into the night on those days when Prince Charles gets under my skirt. It’s tough being Queen and protector to all these subjects. I need to ‘get besotted’

once in a while.

A communique sent out by Buckingham Palace noted “The Queen is above politics, but she’s not above throwing a royal hissy fit if one of her beloved Corgi’s ‘does a number’ on a 400 year old rug or one of her countries decides it wants to leave her United Kingdom.

She noted, “The referendum on becoming an independent country showed me that 55% of you wanted to stay, but 45% of you people didn’t want the tough love that emanates from my royal bosom. I’m just a little ‘pissed’.

David Cameron can bow and scrape trying to keep the Scots in line but I will never reveal an emotion as long as I’m in charge. This is my ‘Queen Victoria face’. If the press sees me twitch a lip, they can interpret it to mean anything including displeasure, an emotion I’ve grown to embrace ever since Charles went back with that pit-bull.

I’ve got kilts older than Scotland.