John Boehner released a document that, he says “Proves beyond any shadow of a doubt that President Obama is responsible for the huge, mysterious crater which ‘spontaneously’ appeared in a remote part of Siberia. “It was not caused by an unidentified object falling from space, but placed there by a basketball loving President as a private play place. He’s been on vacation more than Bu….oh wait, I take that back.”

A frustrated President Obama said “So far this year, Republicans in Congress have blocked every serious idea to strengthen the middle class. Lifting the minimum wage, fair pay and student loan reform – they’ve said no to all of it. The only initiative they’ve left alone is Michelle’s ‘Let’s Move’ program. They know she’ll kick their ass.”

Having been effectively blocked from performing his job of helping America through the waning days of a recession he inherited from President Bush and the Republicans, Obama started using his executive authority to enact what he could despite the historic push to say no to his every proposal.

In return, House Republicans released a draft resolution that would allow the House to sue the president for what they see as an excessive use of executive authority and for ‘being black.’

The Republican plan is to use tax dollars to sue the President. John Boehner, Speaker of the House, in a long rambling press release blamed President Obama on Argentina’s loss to Germany in the World Cup. “I think he gave some bad advice to their coach at some point”. He also said that he advised LeBron to go back to Cleveland.

The chairman of the House Judiciary Committee admitted today that Republicans have no grounds for articles of impeachment against President Obama. “But that doesn’t mean we have to hate him any less than we do right now” he said.

“Oh and regarding that lawsuit, we have it on good authority that he illegally tore the tags off of a set of pillows back in 2004. I don’t think the statute of limitations is up on that one.”