With the takeover of a closed bird sanctuary visitor center and gift shop in Oregon, armed men lamented the lack of gifts to mail home as souvenirs of the takeover. “Where are the ‘My drinking buddies and I took over a visitor center and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt’ souvenirs?” said one. “It’s not right. They should have stocked this place when they heard we were coming. Defending the Constitution is harder than we thought.”

Sheriff Don Smeglan said “we’ll just splice into the cable service, make them watch re-runs of ‘Celebrity Boxing’ 24/7 and then arrest the men one by one as they run out of toilet paper and tire of the pine cones.

Cliven Bundy’s son, Ammon Bundy and his brothers Mel and Ryan said they were willing to die trying to achieve their objective of creating a huge Twitter comedy backlash and ‘going viral’ on Facebook with kittens playing with guns videos. “Kitten videos are the best way to get the message out” mentioned Ammon as his brothers nodded in agreement.

Mel mentioned “When Ammon told us we’d travel to a remote location in the dead of winter and not bring a change of shorts we thought that was the best idea since we shoved a dresser out the window of the Motel 6 to protest the Bill of Rights. Damn, that was fun.”

“Stealing land from the Government and patriotically trashing a vacated building will change the constitution. We want the government to give us this land so we could turn it over to uh somebody else who uh needs land” Bundy said. “By the way could anyone out there send us some camo socks, popcorn, beer and blankets? There’s no heat and it’s cold” said one of the ‘patriots’.

“Yeah, and send more flags, magic markers and a ‘spell check’.”