NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL are playing games with the game of football by modifying rules that protect players. “We’re not violent enough, but don’t quote me on that.

We’d like to get to the level of the violence in the stands at a soccer rivalry.

Goodell and the NFL seem to have to have two factors in mind behind the proposal: entertainment and safety.

Our statisticians tell us that every time the ball is snapped, there’s a 2% chance that someone will get hurt. For the sheer entertainment factor, we want to raise that to 15 or 20%.

We’re not talking life threatening injuries here, but maybe an occasional broken bone or two……”

Goodell said the league is exploring the possibility of ‘easing back’ the safety factor in the helmets. “As we see it, the football helmet, although very well made, doesn’t protect players from head injuries. We’re thinking about changes.

We’d like to produce helmets with the same width as the ‘skin’ of a new car’s door. Just enough to protect some critical brain functions but not others, like use of hands and feet.

We’ll also save a lot of money by calling in the ‘Dent Wizard.’

Fans want to see gore and that’s what we’re going to give them. We’re going to utilize fan support at a new level.

Every fan in the stadium will be given a number and when the game lags, we’ll call a number and that person will ‘suit up’ and replace a veteran. Of course, they’ll sign a waiver. It will be a great story for their descendants, and hopefully there’ll be video.