It’s just your luck that of the 90,000 drivers in Southeast Florida who had to go to driving school last year, 2 or 3 are within a car length of you now.
Driving school is as useless as an ethics course for Congress.
That’s not all. The State of Florida says there may now be a written test after driving school. The difference is that in regular school, if you flunk the course, you suffer; in driver’s school if you flunk the course, the rest of us suffer.
What do they want from us? Do they want us to remain awake through the course and remember all the safety rules too?
That’s a lot to ask of the average Florida driver. We have enough on our mind without multi- tasking with a smart phone, eating a chili dog and flipping off the other drivers.
In keeping with our commitment to stay off the roads as much as possible during rush hour, which shall be defined as “any time”, we offer this preview of the proposed new test.
Don’t get nervous, they’re all multiple choice.
To merge is to:
A, alternate cars into 1 lane
B, alternate lanes with 1 car
C, alternate form of transportation
Upon seeing a Hummer coming up in the rear view mirror you should:
A Laugh to yourself because you’re ahead of him
B, Realize that his fill up equals a fabulous dinner at Joe’s Stone Crab.
C, Stop laughing and get the hell out of the way!
Can a person operate a farm vehicle such as a tractor on a public highway?
A, Only if he’s drag racing a Honda on Crome Avenue
B, Only if it’s rush hour.
C, Only when the chicken feathers are finding their way into your window
A stop sign means:
A, Slow down to 10 miles per hour as you go through it
B, Slow down to 5 miles per hour as you go through it
C, Where’s a cop when you need one.
The definition of an unsecured load is:
A, If it falls off when you take off
B, If it falls off at a speed hump
C, If you fall off the bar stool
When the light changes from green to yellow you should:
A, Hit the gas
B, Slow down and stop for the red
C, Smile for the camera.
What is an acceptable form of identification when you are stopped for an infraction?
A, Your graduation picture
B An international license
C, A folded picture of Benjamin Franklin
When applying lipstick while driving one should:
A, Stay within the lip lines
B, Stay within the road lines
C, Stay within the lines of good taste.
The turn signal, a way to indicate when you make a turn is:
A, located on the steering column
B, covered with dust
C, As useful as your appendix
The four way flasher device is used:
A, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped.
B, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped
C, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped, get it?
The size of a speeding and weaving motorcyclist’s brain is:
A, A walnut
B, A pea
C, What brain?
A bicycle rider going through a stop sign without stopping thereby making you actually stop at your stop sign for fear of hitting them is:
A legal
B, care-free
C, Caught up in their ipod
To control your temper in traffic you should:
A, Count to ten and breathe deeply
B, Visualize world peace
C, Visualize the other driver having his license revoked.
When driving through fog what should you use?
A, Your fog lights
B, your flashers
C, your car
What is the difference between a flashing red light and a flashing yellow light?
A, the color
B, No special at K-Mart
C, A flashing yellow light means you’re not getting pulled over.
An aggressive driver should:
A, drink less Café Cubano
B, Stick to a bike
C, Stick to walking
It doesn’t really matter whether you pass the test or not. Welcome to South Florida!
