Oreo has embarked on a “Cookie vs. Creme” campaign. This could be a tasty morsel in the ‘Hey, does someone’s marketing staff have a little too much time on their hands’ department?

The Nabisco company’s Oreo division, who extended their line over the years to 35 varieties with ‘Double Stuff” “Triple Stuff” and “Enough Stuff Already” also decided to stop calling it ‘stuff’.

From the mini ‘fun size’ (Until it stops being fun because you’ve eaten too many) to the ‘Triple Double Chocolate’ they decided that (From the Nabisco website) Over the last hundred years, almost literally billions of productive man-hours have been lost to people splitting apart OREO cookies by hand and eating the part they prefer. (And in the old days, shipping the un-eaten portions to the starving children in Europe)

The company has heard from “too many consumers” who experience the “distress of the distracted” when the cookie accidentally breaks or drops from their (greedy little) fingers.
Oreo promises to “make the world a better and more efficient place” for people who twist their Oreo cookies open before eating them.

It comes in the form of a Rube Goldberg machine that takes a typical Oreo cookie, splits it perfectly with a hatchet, scrubs off the creme, and delivers two separate chocolate wafers into a tray. In this way, many more ‘productive man-hours’ can be wasted by those who can’t find work and don’t know what else to do with their expensive engineering degrees.

In the world of the ‘I’m too busy to do it myself’ the ‘crème’ could then accumulate into little piles and be packaged so people who don’t like the wafers can simply buy the ‘crème’ by itself and shove that ‘crème’ down their self-absorbed throats.

Yes, they spell it ‘crème’ because it’s not really cream based. ‘Double Thiamin Mono-Nitrate’ is not a term that people equate with ‘delicious’.

The next step is to produce an automatic cookie box opener so you don’t have to take the time to actually open the box all by yourself, and, of course, employ someone to go to the store and buy it for you.