To: Buzz
From: Mike Pence update@usaforveterans.com
Thank you for all the important work you’ve done to get us here. Folks like you are the reason we managed to defeat the Democrats and the liberal media last November. (Apparently there’s a little mix-up here. You may have paid for a Russian hacker’s mailing list. You’ve got the wrong guy.)
That’s why I’m counting on you, right now, to stand with House Republicans as we turn our sights to 2018. (And I don’t know if I want to ‘Turn my sights to 2018’ I’ve just gotten used to 2017 and cleaning up your mess so far)
Your support for our Republican majority is more important than ever. (Why would I want to support people who blindly vote against their best interests and never seek the truth behind the rhetoric?)
Please help with a small gift of $25, $50, $100, or whatever you can afford. (Donating to your cause would get me a PTD (Politically transmitted disease)and when you get finished raping your ‘base’ they’ll have nothing to give you either.
Thank you. Sincerely (Really?)
Mike Pence
Vice President
Just because I saved a whale in 1979, my name has appeared on more lists than a lobbyist with a full agenda. My email-box has overflowed like a dam needing repair since the Reagan administration.
To show you how the system works, that same day I received a single sheet business reply mailer that said in bold letters, “Supplement your government benefit of $255.”
It started off, “Dear senior citizen”; OMG, they got it from AARP, who sends an application right before your 50th birthday. “We are proud to announce a senior citizen final expense program to help pay for what social security does not pay for your final expense.”
They’re talking about my funeral and they’re not even in the will.
I wondered what kind of funeral I could get for just the ‘government benefit’.
It wouldn’t be extravagant. For that amount I guess they stuff you into a biodegradable box and feed you to the whales you saved.
Junk mail. If there’s a law of diminishing returns this isn’t it. This is how the ‘big bang’ started; with one unsolicited mailing. Before you know it, you’re on the letter carriers hit list. When Benjamin Franklin created the U.S. Post Office he should have made it a rule that you can’t send material to someone who didn’t request it and if there are more than 3 colonists in line, open a new window.