In a TV address to his nation, Egypt’s armed forces chief Gen. Abdul Fattah al-Sisi said the constitution had been suspended and the chief justice of the constitutional court would take over for ousted President Morsi.

In a conciliatory statement al-Sisi said Morsi would be able to cash in all un-used sick days and vacation time and take advantage of COBRA health benefits for 90 days or die from an unspecified illness, whichever comes first.

“I guess that takes care of all the taunts from those macho idiots in the ‘brotherhood’ about my name when I was growing up. I’m not a ‘sissy’ and I’ve got the army to prove it.”
Before being put under house arrest Morsi refused an offer by the armed forces to leave Egypt for Qatar, Turkey or Yemen. “No hot water” was the excuse.

Minutes later, a notice went up on ex-President Morsi’s Facebook page denouncing the army move as a “military coup”.

His calendar cleared, he then went on to invite his Facebook friends to Achmed’s Felafel Shoppe just off Tahrir Square for the Wednesday special of flatbread and hummus.
“Don’t worry” he said, “I’ve already ‘un-friended’ those bullies from the Muslim brotherhood. They wouldn’t know a good time if it hit them in the burnoose.”

Despite the economic problems the country has been subject to for the year of Morsi’s Presidency, the four days of mass street demonstrations has pumped new life into the street vendor, port-A-Potty and laser pointer industries.

Gen Sisi said Mr Morsi had “failed to meet the demands of the Egyptian people when he wouldn’t allow Subway’s® Big Hot Pastrami® sub to be served in any of their Cairo restaurants. Morsi, through an interpreter said, “That’s too Israeli for my taste.”