God issued a press release today regarding the Republican National Committee’s convention in Tampa.
“I hope they’ve got contingency plans” God said, “because I’ve seen their positions on immigration, a Mexican border fence and in-state tuition for undocumented immigrants. That man/woman marriage crap deserves a couple of tornados on one of Mitt’s mansions, but I’m saving it for the last few weeks of the campaign. I’m not even going to mention Ryan’s track record for the ill, elderly and infirm. He wants to do to them what I did to ancient Egypt with those plagues.”
“Think of this hurricane as a shitload of natural spam that they can’t delete.”
Pastor Terry Jones’ of the Quran burning Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville has been chosen as the alternative convention site just in case. “I’ve got plenty of room for my fellow bigots” he claimed, “No one’s coming to hear my hate speech lately.”
RNC spokesman Sean Spicer said “We’re not moving until hell freezes over or I see Rush Limbaugh walk on Tampa Bay.
In Tampa, debate over the party platform centered on exactly how illegal aliens would ‘self deport’ with some hardliners suggesting Marco Rubio leave first to set an example.