England has proffered Knight-hood on Dr Simon Campbell the ‘Father of Viagra’.

Gone are the days when this title was granted for those who protected the kingdom with their lives. These were men who, adorned in armor, rode into battle and fought, sometimes for hours, for the glory of King and country. Now the title is granted for the scientist who made it possible for men to ride to a motel, don ‘protection’ and for the glory of their ego, ride into the night.

What’s the Queen thinking when she reads the Royal Proclamation for this one? Maybe it will read, in part, “This Knight-hood, is now conferred on Dr Simon Campbell for helping Britain stay on the straight and narrow and enabling us to maintain a stiff upper lip among other things…”

With all the royal pomp and pageantry if the ceremony lasts more than 4 hours, please call the Royal Physician.

In related news: How did this design make it past the ‘I think this will work’ committee at Hasbro.

The company is offering to replace the extruder tool in its Play-Doh Cake Mountain playset after complaints from parents that the toy resembles a penis.

“Should any consumer want a replacement extruder or if they want to order multiple replacements for whatever reason we don’t want to know, they can contact Hasbro’s Customer Service Department at 800-327-8264.”

“Christmas morning became a ‘birds and bees’ lesson after Mary-Beth asked us if the extruder was like the thing she found in mommy’s dresser drawer” said a disturbed parent. “We told her that hers didn’t require batteries.”

To cut their losses, Hasbro has introduced a new Play-Doh line called ‘Mommy Bakes a Grown-up Cake’ which will include ‘extruders’ in many shapes and sizes.”

The actual product description from the Hasbro website: You can feel just like a real pastry chef as you make the most awesome fantasy desserts you can imagine.

Fantasy indeed and please pass the icing.