Dear Western Civilization,

Hello, Hallo and Yahsu!

I thought it was time to write (It requires more than a ‘Tweet’) and bring you up to speed.

Greece is so much more than souvlaki, feta cheese, the birthplace of Democracy and the damn cradle of Western Civilization! HelllOOOOoooo!!

Let me mention up front that you are always welcome to come and spend some holiday time with us and don’t worry about the fact that tour guides were part of the civil service hiring freeze in 2010. We’ll just ‘lend’ some civil servants from the public sector. There are plenty to go around. If they don’t remember their history I’m sure they’ll just make it up. You’ll be overwhelmed by the Parthenon anyway.

We know we’ve ‘overspent’ these last few years, but hey, who hasn’t? Every home in America has more television sets than the entire village of Faraklata on the island of Kefalonia!  After having ‘cradled’ civilization we certainly don’t want to upset the world’s economic apple cart and start all over.

Last year a couple of German politicians told us to sell off islands, historic buildings and artworks before receiving aid. We’ve been thinking about it. We’ve got about 6,000 islands and islets scattered in the Aegean and Ionian Seas, and only 227 are inhabited. We think there’s some wiggle room there for a ‘short sale or two’. I think they got that idea when they sold off parts of the Berlin Wall back starting in the 90’s but where did that money go, schnitzel and noodles?

The politicians (I think we invented politics too) have snidely said that the German people are more industrious because they ‘get up early and work all day’. Well try living in a sunny and dry climate on Corfu with balmy breezes all day long. See how long you want to be cooped up indoors and miss all those topless Greek beauties just swaying and swimming and balancing olives in their naval and….where was I?

Oh yes, the economy. We will labor like Hercules to make it right, but only until we reach the retirement age of about 32. It’s not easy living on Mousakka and lamb balls.