Let’s agree on one thing. Driving in South Florida is a fate worse than leaving a club after imbibing and offering donuts at the DUI checkpoint at 3AM.
But here’s the good news. We’re not even in the top ten in the ‘worst driver’ category according to http://www.carinsurancecomparison.com . They rate drivers on fatality rate per 100 million vehicle miles traveled, percentage of fatal crashes that involved traffic signals, not wearing seat belts and driving with an invalid license, drunken driving, speeding and careless driving Do any of these seem familiar?
I know. You’re asking “With all those categories, why aren’t we in the top ten?”
Just be grateful.
When you drive, you’re not just maneuvering a 2 ton vehicle trying to avoid the other road warriors; you’re trying to get from point A to point B while staying alive.
During that time, there are many activities to divert the mind from that mundane act. Driving time is seen as an un-scheduled catch up period to take care of the minutiae of life like grabbing a snack, talking to your BFF’s and maybe even finishing up that tax return while waiting at the light.
it’s just your luck that of the 90,000 drivers in Southeast Florida who had to go to driving school last year, a couple may be within a car length of you now. Try not to take your eyes off the road and stare at them. Looking at another driver is sometimes seen as an ‘act of aggression’. (Not one of the categories in the survey)
Based on how we drive here, driving school is as useless as Rick Scott at an ethics conference.
That’s not all. The State of Florida says there may now be a written test after driving school. The difference is that in regular school, if you flunk the course, you suffer; in driving school if you flunk the course, the rest of us suffer.
What do they want from us? Do they want us to remain awake through the course and remember all the safety rules too? Since we’re on our phones while driving anyway, can’t we just ask ‘Siri’? No.
We have enough on our mind without multi-tasking behind the wheel.
In keeping with our commitment to stay off the roads as much as possible during rush hour, which shall be defined as “any time”, we offer this preview of the proposed new test.
Don’t get nervous, they’re all multiple choice.
Keep your hands on the wheel, answer out loud and the other drivers will think you’re on the phone. Here we go.
When applying lipstick while driving one should:
A, Stay within the lip lines
B, Stay within the road lines
C, Stay within the lines of good taste.
To merge is to:
A, alternate cars into one lane
B, alternate lanes with one car
C, alternate form of transportation
Upon seeing a huge vehicle approaching in the rear view mirror you should:
A Laugh to yourself because you’re ahead of him
B, Be afraid that you’re in front of him
C, Stop laughing and get out of the way!
Can a person legally operate a farm vehicle on a public highway?
A, Only if he’s drag racing a Honda on Krome Avenue
B, Only if it’s rush hour.
C, Only when the flying chicken feathers are finding their way into your window
A stop sign means:
A, Slow down to 10 miles per hour as you go through it
B, Slow down to 5 miles per hour as you go through it
C, Where’s a cop when you need one.
The definition of an unsecured load is:
A, If it falls off when you take off
B, If it falls off at a speed hump
C, If you fall off the bar stool
When the light changes from green to yellow you should:
A, Hit the gas
B, Slow down and stop for the red
C, Panic, because there’s a tailgating yahoo behind you who doesn’t care what yellow means and will probably shove you into the intersection.
What is an acceptable form of identification when you are stopped for an infraction?
A, Your graduation picture
B An international license
C, A folded picture of Benjamin Franklin
The turn signal, a way to indicate when you make a turn is:
A, located on the steering column
B, covered with dust
C, As useful as your appendix
The four way flasher device is used:
A, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped.
B, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped
C, When the vehicle is stopped and only when stopped, get it?
The size of a speeding and weaving motorcyclist’s brain is:
A, A walnut
B, A pea
C, What brain?
A bicycle rider going through a stop sign without stopping thereby making you actually stop at your stop sign for fear of hitting them is:
A legal
B, care-free
C, Caught up in their I-pod
To control your temper in traffic you should:
A, Count to ten and breathe deeply
B, Visualize world peace
C, Visualize the other drivers having their license revoked.
When going through fog what should you use:
A, Your fog lights
B, your flashers
C, your car
What is the difference between a flashing red light and a flashing yellow light?
A, the color
B, A special at K-Mart
C, A flashing yellow light means you’re not getting pulled over.
An aggressive driver should:
A, drink less Café Cubano
B, Stick to a bike
C, Stick to walking
