Newly elected Pope Francis put his personal stamp on the new papacy as the cardinals went back on the bus to the Domus Internationalis Paulus VI, (A five halo hotel).
They were amazed to see the Pope getting on. “Hey, I’d like to drive this thing” he said exercising his new authority, “Anybody have any objections?” he said with a smile.
As part of the ‘new open regime’ he then asked them to help ‘balance the books’ at the Vatican, by dipping into their cassocks and paying cash for the trip.
The Cardinals stayed at the Church-run residence during the run up to the pontifical election and were shocked when the new Pope insisted on paying his bill. When told by the genuflecting hotel staff “No problem” he said, “Look we’re starting anew here; I’ll even pay for the movies I watched.” He then went on to relate a couple of funny stories for the staff.
Since he would be either taking the bus or just walking he mentioned that he would be franchising the ‘Pope-Mobile’ as a ‘one stop redemption kiosk’ and/or ‘children’s ride’ in major shopping centers.
There would also be a garage sale of left overs from the last regime including silk underwear and a collection of ‘Get out of Jail Free’ cards.
This Pope is very different from any other Pope in living memory and there’s a reason. The secret can now be told. A majority of the Cardinals were fed up with adherence to the strict Canonical guidelines over the years and wanted to put into place a person who was well known, had a successful career and might also tell a joke now and then to ‘lighten the load.’
Behind closed doors Woody Allen was the overall choice with ventriloquist Jeff Dunham coming in second. They figured that if Woody would ‘keep it light’ and not get into too much ‘heavy religion’.
They didn’t bother themselves about the fact that he was born into a Jewish household and became an atheist later in life. “We all make mistakes” said a senior Cardinal who didn’t want to be identified, “For example, I don’t like fish.”