Bashar al-Assad, soon to be deposed President of Syria, will join the Romney campaign as a speechwriter. An aide to Mitt Romney said, “At the rate we’re spreading bullshit, we can always use a veteran like Assad”.
Paul Ryan in a separate press release said, “Truly, if bullshit were electricity we could be the next Hoover Darn. That’s right, I said ‘Darn’. I’m not opposed to using mild profanity once in a while if it serves to punctuate a sentence and prove I’m a ‘man of the people’. Besides, Assad’s position on health care echoes our own; the less, the better.”

As the Syrian government discusses his exit from power, Assad has been trying to negotiate a deal where he crosses the border with a number of his personal vehicles, which include a fortified Honda Odyssey, and all the jewels his wife can take ala ‘carry on’.
A media spokesperson spinning for Assad, mentioned that “The Honda provided better-than-average reliability, scored well in crash tests, had power door locks and front-passenger, side-impact air bags. While your country is in upheaval it’s a ‘must have’ while shopping for essentials in central Damascus.
His flight from Damascus will be underwritten locally, by Lockheed Martin, the arms manufacturer.
“While his rule has been just and fair he relies on the good will of the Syrian people to trust his judgment on which neighborhoods will be spared from total destruction in this time of his joyous reign”.

Syria’s deputy prime minister has said the government is prepared to discuss his exit but only if he can bring his personal collection of chemical weapons with him.