Hello South Florida and get ready. We’re approaching the ‘busy’ season here, and that means more drivers from out of state will be driving like us. If you’re a hodo-phobic which is a fear of all forms of transportation, it’s time to stay indoors until May.

Our roads, despite being upgraded, re-paved, widened and improved cannot handle a driver who slows down in the left lane, turns on their 4 way flashers in the rain or uses their free hand to gesture while on the phone.

Question; when cut off by another vehicle you should,

A, reciprocate

B, remember the 800 number so you can call their boss

C, what does ‘reciprocate’ mean?

More than 2,000 adult drivers who commute in 20 major metropolitan areas were asked to rate rude driving in telephone surveys. Every one they called in South Florida was driving when they answered. A lot of screeching and yelling was heard in the background. We’re so good at this we beat out New York!

You figure with all the cameras in the intersections people would hold back on this kind of behavior. No! Everyone wants their 15 seconds of ‘fame’. Municipalities are making money by selling the tapes to ‘America’s Scariest Videos’.

I just about caught the words “How’s my driving?” printed on the back of the truck that cut me off. I had to tailgate the guy just to read it and they really make you work at deciphering the tiny numbers. Should I call or not? How mad was I? On a scale of 1, being the dog made a mess on the carpet and 10, being bankers and Wall Street greedy crooks made a mess of our economy, I figured it was about a 6. I had to end the call I was on, search for a pen to write the number, actually write the number, pick up the phone, try to make the call and almost cut off a car behind me. Glad I don’t have a ‘How’s my driving’ message on the back of my car.

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell if they were just driving normally which is your basic swerving in your lane, running stop signs, lane changing without signaling, etc.

Around here, safe driving is like changing names on Dolphin Stadium. Doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s the same old thing.

It was an 800 number. I guess the company was getting so many calls they had to utilize a fulfillment center to field all the complaints. What would fulfill me is if they got these drivers off the road, but at that point there would be no one left to scream at. Screaming out loud is better than screaming to your-self. It’s like a quick therapy scream. Painless, free and you feel a little better for the ranting.

I’ve called those numbers before, and if you call the vehicles company and go with the odds, the person that answers probably drives as badly as the person you’re calling about. Who’s fielding the calls? My guess is that they’re way down on the corporate totem pole. Why have a valuable employee waste their time? They’d have to schedule a bad driver’s conference with the person, get them in their office and have a good laugh together at the frustration of the caller.

What if we use the 800 number for other ways? Do these pants make me look fat? Call 1 800 whoa!